2023 Word of the Year: Align

I've finally chosen my word for this year and I'm so excited about it!

For the past few years, I've been developing a vision of how I want to show up in the world, in my writing, in my communities, and in all the roles I exist in. It evolves with every day and that’s okay.
But...but, I keep distracted by shiny things shouted about by shiny people who have different goals, different visions and altogether different lives.

Let’s not forget the most important of all - different brains and different bodies.

For years, I’ve tried to implement blueprints for writing that don’t match how my brain is wired or how my body operates within certain parameters. Square peg in a round hole anyone?

With the help of Becca Syme @betterfasteracademy for understanding my strengths and how to apply them to writing, to my own ongoing journey with building mindfulness and awareness every step of the way, I’ve made good progress on aligning my words and actions to fit the vision I have for my life.

To be fully me in a world that has so many rules and restrictions and expectations and caveats, for me, is true alignment.

And what I love most about this word is that I can apply it to every important area of my life:

To relationships and working out and career and health and so on… and it’s a gentle but clear course corrector when I’m drifting off towards someone else’s goals and systems. Towards stuff - physical and emotional, I really don’t want in my life. Towards issues and people that muddy up my mental space.

Have you chosen a word of the year? Do you, usually? Please share yours.

#WordOfTheYear #2023GuidingWord #2023WordOfTheYear #TaraPammi #Alignment #RomanceAuthor
#MindfulProductivity #SelfImprovementAddict #AuthorTaraP #thislifeilive

Word of the Year: Align

July Reading Round Up!

What I've Been Reading 



All of us readers know that books are one escape that no one can take away from us, right? And it's been proven true for me during this pandemic too. The only things that have been helping me stay sane are reading, eating whatever sweet treats 12 yo decides to make and watching a lot of movies with the girls and hubster as a family. LOL, until hubster reminds us it's time for the family walk. :) 

Have your reading tastes changed during this pandemic? Have you switched genres or sub genres? Curious minds want to know.

With me, even before this pandemic started, I've been listening to a lot of thrillers and mysteries on audiobooks. LOL, I've even cured my relentless looping thoughts at night time with this - I go to bed listening to an audiobook and sleep sets in after a while and I pull off my headphones. 

LOL I even missed a murderer reveal in one of the books like this. :)  For some reason, romance is the one thing I can't listen to on Audio Books. So it's iPad to the rescue then. 

Some of my recent favorites have been: 

MG.jpg

THIS ONE!! OMG!!! I LOVED this book and finished in one sitting - with lots of snack breaks! The HOUSE - ahhh....without being spoilery, of all the haunted/twisted/gothic/messed up houses in all the gothic novels ever, this was something! The thought of being stuck inside the house like the heroine made my skin crawl and run screaming...it was that GOOD!

FU.jpg






I borrowed this from the library because the blurb struck my fancy. It ended up a fairly good read/listen. There were moments where I was like UGHH where are all the sensible people but it was also because the author made it pretty believable too, I think. The ending felt a little too neatly tied up but I did end up liking it. 

WFI.jpg

Talia's one of my favorite romance writers. This was one slow and maddening sometimes (because I just wanted Olu and Griffin to just admit how much they love the other already) but also soft and achingly lovely.

SDM.jpg

LOL, I've been on a ghost/haunting paranormal thriller kick for a while now and loved more than one title by this author. I liked this one and was terrified at one particular scene. The ending was a bit of a let down but since that was like the last few pages, I came away liking the book. :) Apparently, if I'm scared out of my wits during the book, I'll end up liking the book even if the ending is blah.

July+Reading+Round+Up+blog.jpg

Trash Those To Do Lists


Whether you've got a full time job or a side hustle or if you're a full-time homemaker wrangling grocery lists and home schooling and self-care, it's been hard to get stuff done these days, hasn't it?

In the beginning, (LOL it feels like this pandemic has already lasted an age), even a quick look at my to-do list would send me off into a spiral of overwhelm. 

A constant diet of news didn't help either. Then I came across this article ( as you do when you constantly look up self improvement books and articles) that mentioned Done lists. I'll wait if you want to give it a quick skim.

https://www.self.com/story/done-lists


Sick of being asked to read more articles....I got you, babe! ;)

To give a basic summary, the author asks us to do away with our painful To Do lists (if they make you cry like they did me) and adopt Done Lists. On the days when I sat down at my work computer at 11:13 am and was already feeling behind and overwhelmed, this list made me put down:

1. Drank 2 cups of coffee
2. Talked for 6 min with Hubster and hugged him twice
3. Made Breakfast for girls
4. Had a protein rich breakfast
5. Emptied Dishwasher
6. Cleared the counter
7. Called Mom
8. Whats-Apped aunt in India
9. Showered, dressed and tamed wild eyebrows.


And so on and so forth...

I went from feeling like Blah to Wow I've already done 9 things this morning. And I did more things - reading an article I'd bookmarked over coffee, helping 9 yo with Math, Editing 5 pages - just to put them on the list and check them off when they were done.

I have to tell you it was a fantastic feeling, and it continues to work for me two months in. Sometimes, I'll add a note of gratitude there, sometimes, I'll write down what's making me anxious but the DONE list is right there to give me a little push. 


Does this mean we have to ditch our to do lists completely? Not at all, whatever the click-baity title says :) .

I'm a huge planner addict and I still make monthly and yearly plans BUT for now, I have adapted my daily planner for my Done List. Even when I think I've done nothing, there's at least 3 to 4 tasks that I have finished and it gives me a much needed jolt in these stressful times. 

A real life Opposites Attract Story

20171231_215642.jpg

So this guy and I are celebrating 15 years of wedded bliss today!! 🥳🥳🥳

Whoever said opposites attract doesn't work in real life should meet us:

*He's a morning person and I'm a night owl. Like this morning, he whispered Happy Anniversary to me at about 5:30, all ready to leave for work and I mumbled something like...whatever why you wake me, ok bye. 😂

*He remembers all the down and dirty fights and I remember all the lovely sentimental moments. I do have selective memory.

*He's organized, calm and pretty low maintenance. I'm chaotic, passionate, and maintenance wise...pretty high up there.

*He's non judgmental, can eat the same meal every day for the rest of our lives. I'm not judgmental so much as I've high standards for people 😀 and the idea of routine gives me hives.

But...what we do have in common far outweighs what we don't agree upon. Like, the time when I refused to label the salt and sugar containers and he gave me coffee with salt. Or just yesterday when he put his dirty coffee cup into a dishwasher full of clean dishes.

We both center family above everything else, and we believe in acceptance and love over any other kind of prejudice and the thing that really binds us together: we can laugh at each other, with each other and at ourselves.

Ask me some other time about lancing boils in inappropriate places the first year of our marriage - so romantic, or the time when we found a snake in our bathroom in our basement apartment- our first home...or even the time when I said my water broke with when pregnant with our first child and he asked me "are you sure you just didn't pee on yourself?'

So yeah, I can't wait for another 15, 30, 50 years on this ride.

He's absolutely taught me to be a better person by word, thought and action and I think I have made his life colorful, if nothing else. 💃🏾

20170211_174340.jpg
20180203_180756.jpg
20171210_104432.jpg

Tips to handle Anxiety - what works for me

Hope you're all having a lovely Friday morning or evening wherever you're in the world. Mine didn't begin that great today and I wanted to talk about it.This year, I'm determined to bring a more authentic self to social media which means you all are going to be subjected to a lot of ranting.😀

I'm not sharing this for sympathy but for awareness. The world is sometimes not a kind place and we all have so much to deal with in our lives.

Today's one of those days where my anxiety is riding me so hard it's hard to breathe...This manifests as:

1. Racing thoughts - I can't tell you how fast my mind jumps from one thing to another and usually it's all negative ones. This makes my breath all choppy and I move through the house restlessly, and if I'm alone, just banging on things.

2. A knot in my throat and complete overwhelm as I look at my to do list: sometimes I end up crying. And it's actually a release and a relief.

3. Way too short leash on my temper. I usually tell the girls first thing that I don't feel good without scaring them. That my mind feels a little too jumbled up and that I need some quiet. They hug me which sometimes goes a long way. Sometimes doesn't.

4. Constant looping of negative thoughts that I can't get out of: They're all framed like this: "I wish my life wasn't so..."
"Why am I spending time on this? It's never going to amount to anything?" "Ten years later, I'll still be in the same place."
"I mess up everything." "I'm such a failure."
"Everyone's better than me." "Where did it all go wrong?" etc.
It's so hard to break out of the loop.

Usually, my bandaid fix for this is to ditch everything, lower my expectations to zero and then veg out on the couch either netflixing or losing myself in a book. This is only a bandaid fix because while the anxiety might pass, everything that was overwhelming is still there.

Also, it's kind of self sabotage because I'm letting all that negative talk turn into truth.

However, when it's really bad, vegging out is the only option and I try to be kind to myself. But when I'm on deadline, the vegging out becomes another thing that induces more anxiety. Vicious cycle anyone?

But as my self awareness grows - this is something I constantly work on, every day, every minute, I spend time digging into what had set me off. Sometimes, there's a reason - like today. Sometimes, there isn't.

Now for things I have learned work for me to calm those racing thoughts:

1. Take my journal out and retrace my steps back to before the racing thoughts began. Writing down my fears and insecurities is a meditative, almost magical experience that makes my mind release those fears at best, and at worst, morphs them into tiny niggles instead of huge boulders breathing down my neck.

2. A Long Walk with a favorite audio book - This is such a no brainer. Being outside the house immediately makes me feel better. No explanations needed.

3. Clean the house a little with Hindi/Telugu songs that I used to listen to a lot when I was growing up. My parents always had some music going on in the background ALL THE TIME. Which means I calm down because all those songs have such safe, familiar associations and I inherited their love for music too. There's also something very therapeutic about cleaning your physical environment. I think it gives me back a semblance of control over myself. If I can clean this, I can clean my mind kinda thing.

4. Talk to a loved one - this is also a no -brainer. If I talk to my sister during this, I whine. My brother - total snot dripping cry. Hubster - Yelling and Venting and then calming down.

These are things that work for me. They might not work for you. You might need medication and reaching out for help is the best thing you can do for yourself. So please take it all with a pinch or a heap of salt.

20200207_101712.jpg

A tribute to the man who weaved words into my soul

A tribute to the man who weaved words into my soul

It’s been 14 years since my dad passed away, and today, per the lunar year, my brother offers him sraddham ( food for my father’s journey in the next world). My mother reminds my sister and I every year to wash our hair in the morning and offer up a prayer in his remembrance. Because that’s what fathers need from their daughters after they’re gone.

I’m not going to get into the whole mechanics of that here. What, you know me and didn’t think I’d at least bring it up? 😁

But today, I simply want to offer more to the man who made me into, well, me. 

My father was the oldest boy of 9 siblings. He grew up in a small village in South India and pursued higher education in a different state. When we asked for expensive things as children, he’d remind us he didn’t even have a watch until he was an undergrad student. So, in essence, he was from a lower middle-class family with not a whole lot of resources or financial clout. 

But he was a man of principles. He believed in service to the people around him and the community. He proved, again and again, that you don’t have to be a person of great means to help those around you. He read widely to improve his understanding of the world and taught me to do the same. He enabled me to think for myself, to find myself in books.

But the most radical thing my father did for a man of such small beginnings was how he raised my sister and I. 

I don’t remember ever hearing the narrative that we were girls so we must be… protected/coddled/limited/ so on… 

If we made mistakes, there were consequences, just as there were for my brother. If we succeeded in something, he told us there were greater heights to take on. If we disagreed with him on the future path, he indulged us and let us learn from our mistakes. If we failed, he hugged us, loved us and told us to not wallow in failure.

The most important thing was that he created this safe space for us to be just us. Flawed or fierce or selfish or kind or driven or loud or brash or argumentative (because oh man did I argue with everything and everyone growing up). He never made me think I had to change or morph or fit myself into anyone’s pre-decided mold just because I was a girl.

My brother and I often talk about how he’s frozen in time for us. So he’ll always remain a hero. That we never got to know him completely as fully formed adults. 

The fact is I’m sure we’d have had all kinds of arguments, small and gigantic, if he’d been alive today. I’m sure there would have been silences and rifts and making up. But the thing is, I have this gut level conviction that, even in the bitterest of our arguments, he would have acknowledged my right to hold those opinions. My sister’s right to express a dissenting opinion. Our right to disagree with him in the fiercest way. 

For this, he’ll always have my unending gratitude.

Growing up, I hated my name. I thought it was old and antiquated and boring and without telling my parents, I changed the spelling on the application for a state level exam, which means it would reflect that way everywhere for the rest of my life. 

My dad had named me after his beloved mother. Of course, he got mad at me for my childish rebellion but laughed at it too. And when I got married, I told my then future husband I wasn’t going to change my last name. To his credit, Hubster smiled and shrugged. 

And lots of people think it’s because I like bucking conventions, because I have a feminist agenda. Yes, it is that, but so much more too.

I kept my dad’s name because he’s part of my identity. He’s had such a big hand in making me who I’m today. 

Would he have approved of everything I’m today? Probably, No.

Would he still have loved me anyway? Absolutely, Yes. 

As I grow older and parent my two little girls, I realize that's what unconditional love means and I try to do a little better in seeing them as real people and not some kind of reflection of me. 

P.S. Anything I mentioned about the rites offered after death is my meager and limited understanding of the Hindu faith. Please don’t come at me for this. 🙏🏽

P.P.S. No shade to anyone who takes a partner’s name. I’m all for the woman deciding what the hell she wants to be called. 😀

nanna.jpg

Small Changes + Every Day = A New Year!

Planners2019

It's the first working week of the new year for me and it's off to a great start!


This year, I did a lot of reflection on the past year and my word for the year is GROW. I met an old friend from college and something about that meeting reminded me that I used to be so bold and sparkly and just willing to risk things, experiences, opinions to just LIVE life.


Of course, I'm wiser than I was 15 years ago but somewhere that inherent boldness also dulled.

So this year, I'm claiming that sparkle back and am going to try to Grow into myself again. See what I did there? 😀

Of course, the word comes with its own pressures because who among us doesn't want to see immediate results. We do live in a world of instant gratification.

So to support that growth and to sustain it over long term, my other themes are small changes, consistency, and mindfulness.

Whether writing and writing related business stuff or health and fitness or spirituality or family or relationships, I'm implementing small changes.

Small Changes + Every Day = Sustainable Growth.

Hey, I even did some math in the name of my theme. 😉 #STEMGirl

And Metrics.

The other difference this year is I'm tracking everything. EVERYTHING! From writing sprints to mood (PMS rages/hysterics anyone?) to food to steps to yoga to gym visits to dental visits to WhatsApp communication (all those groups add up y'all) to Social Media Posts to Books I Read to Movies I watch to Board Games played with Children to Travel to Meals to Expenses to how many times I'm journaling in the year to WaterIntake to well....like I said everything.

🧘‍♀️🏋️‍♀️💻⏰⌚️🛏🎊💌📒📅📖📓📙💟

For me, the main advantage of tracking all these Metrics (other than the fact that it feeds my planner and stationery addiction) is that when the shine of the new year fades and I fall into a rut ( which is inevitable because motivation is not in infinite supply) the metrics help me get back on track.

To do an easy reset.

The good days shine in contrast to the sad, bad, miserable days.

Also, they help me figure out what tasks I dread, what I love, what refill the muse, what makes my heart expand with joy, what drags me down, what gives me decision fatigue early in the week and I can adjust these things to function better.

Not at peak level. I don't think it's possible to function at peak levels all the time. But I can do more of the good stuff and minimize the stuff that gives me very little ROI.

Phew!! 😐

Makes sense, right?

I don't know where I heard it because I'm a productivity junkie and I read so many articles/books on it but in essence I think I'm choosing SYSTEMS over WillPower.

Because systems are designed to handle failures/ false starts/ inertia etc. but again willpower is only finite.

Since you've hung on for this long, here's some pretty pictures of my planner.

Also new book started today!

The book and life is a blank page, ready to be filled.

Newsy news!!!

Good Monday morning to all!

I've been meaning to do a long I'm back after a long break kinda post but naaah! Instead here's a highlight of things happening

1. We moved in August to Washington state, said bye to my sister, her brand new squishable twins :), and a whole bunch of family after being away from Hubster for nine months.

2. We LOVE how gorgeous it is here, we found a really lovely home to rent and continue to reassure ourselves that we'll decide we're staying or not an year or two later. Texas does have a lot of things to draw us back - the aforementioned twins, our own house, family, friends.

3. I've been working on some things behind the scenes.

4. The most exciting - a newsletter exclusive serial that I'm about to start in the month of November. It's a different direction from the escapist fantasy that Harlequin Presents are, but the emotion, the three dimensional characters, the romance - it's all there. I even have a cover that I can't wait to show you guys.

5. So, please, if you haven't yet, sign up to my newsletter on the top right hand side on this page.

https://www.tarapammi.com/

6. I'm also playing with the idea of a reader group - for not just my books or a street team, but a place where us all women (and the stray man :)) can come together to discuss books, heroes, life in general. Still not sure, but we'll see.

February 2018 Update:

Phew, I always mean to update this page more often and then I realize weeks have gone by...Hope everyone is doing well.

In my defense (or an excuse), February is a crazy month for us.

1. It's my oldest's birthday on the 10th. I have a 10 year old now *breathes into paper bag* She's the most creative, driven, brilliant and the best of the all, kindest girl I've met for her age. No, I'm not at all biased. :)
2. It's also our wedding anniversary on the 11th. Hubster and I have been married for 13 years now and I think I'm truly blessed because he's supportive, funny, goofy, loving, and again, one of the kindest men I've ever met in my life. See a pattern there...yeah 10 year old is his mine me. Mostly. Every day, hubster teaches me a little more about how to be a better human being and I think he *truly* loves me for all my flaws and ugly spots too. Now I've made myself cry.
3. Thanks to Strep (me) / Flu (10year old) / various chest infections and allergies (7 year old) in January, I had to push my deadline a bit, which meant I was writing like crazy to finish my 20th Harlequin Presents. Which bring me to...

4. OMG, you guys, my 20th title for Harlequin Presents. I can't believe how far I've come in my journey as a writer. And it's all thanks to my wonderful readers. So thank you to every single reader who's ever read one of my books! You make this possible.

5. And what a story it turned out to be: 
I LOVE Alisha and Dante's story. She's a heiress to a billion pound Steel Fortune who's run away from all the insecurity that brings and the man she'd always love but who refuses to see her as anything but a fragile girl he needs to protect. Dante owes everything he's today to his mentor Neel Matta and to save his legacy, he's prepared to do the unthinkable - marry Alisha in a marriage of convenience.
Except the Alisha that returns to London after six years is sexy, confident and suddenly Dante can't remember why his heiress wife should be forbidden to him. 
You guys, it's non-stop drama, passion, and totes sexy...I can't wait for you to read it. Here's a sneak-peek at my pinterest board for Alisha and Dante:
https://www.pinterest.com/tarapammi/alisha-dante-hp-20/

6. I'm plotting my next HP while working on the side on some really fun projects that I really want to get to the readers this year. See the Hotties and Heroes Club mini series on my website for more details.

7. Valentina Conti's coming. She appeared in her brothers' stories - The Surprise Conti Child and The Unwanted Conti Bride and I'm continually floored by how man people keep emailing me asking if Valentina's getting her own story!

She is and it's out in June and it's called Blackmailed For The Greek's Vows. Tina was already a hurricane but Kairos won't know what's going to hit him when he mets the powerhouse that Valentina becomes after she walks away from him. I'm going to share the cover in a separate post because that hot amazing cover requires a separate post. :)

8. And last but not least: Please sign up for my newsletter on my website here if you want to be updated on all my release news and exclusive excerpts! It's the best way to stay in touch and since I send once in a month - sometimes once in a quarter - bad Tara, I definitely won't be filling up your inbox!!

First Release of 2018 - Bought with the Italian's Ring out now!

If you like hard hearted, arrogant heroes and heroines who're naive and too good to be true on first impression, but hide a core of steel that brings the hero to his knees -  you will like Pia and Raphael's love story! Although there's a bit of Pia going on her knees too! :) 

PiaRaphael Graphic1.png

There's an interfering grandfather, a diamond ring and several hot scenes involved that might require a lemonade to cool down! 

Links here:

Amazon : http://amzn.to/2DQIdYR

Barnes and Nobles : http://bit.ly/2rUCGuG

Harlequin Website : http://bit.ly/2nwBmsw

If you don't want to go anywhere but want to read a sample first, scroll down: Enjoy!

 

 

 

CHAPTER ONE

Her skin prickled. Her body, even though overheated from two hours of dancing, suddenly tingled.

Pia Vito could almost pinpoint the moment the piercing awareness claimed her, the moment a sudden chill replaced the warm breeze coming in through the wide doors of the vast ballroom on her grandfather’s estate.

It was the moment he walked in.

Raphael Mastrantino.

Her grandfather Giovanni’s godson and protégé.

CEO of Vito Automobiles.

The man Milanese society seems to be in awe of.

The women around her went into a quiet frenzy, sending longing looks his way, detailing his finer points to each other.

From the moment she had discovered her long-lost grandfather Gio, and he had accepted her as his granddaughter at the beginning of the summer, all Pia had heard from him was stories about Raphael Mastrantino.

And her drama-prone grandfather hadn’t exaggerated for once.

No other man could have prowled inside the ballroom with such arrogant confidence, as if he owned the estate and all the people in it.

No other man would look that striking in a plain white shirt while making the rest of the tuxedo-clad men look overdressed.

No other man could have commanded the attention of an entire ballroom by his mere presence.

Piercing eyes met hers across the ballroom, held hers, as if determined to see through to her soul.

It was as if an electric arc had built up between them—the very concept she’d been explaining to her fifth grade students back home.

No adjective she knew could describe the sheer masculinity of him. Broad shoulders tapered to a lean waist, long legs. The ruthless planes of his face, the stark angles were those one only saw in sculptures.

It took every ounce of energy she possessed to keep her smile in place.

Not even a facsimile of a greeting appeared in his hard face. With his cynical and appraising expression, even from a distance Pia felt his derision to the tips of her toes.

Any warmth she’d felt amidst the dancing crowd dissipated as realization struck.

Her grandfather’s godson didn’t approve of her? Why?

Which was why she had felt his gaze on her back like a concentrated laser beam.

Ignoring his presence—which was like the earth trying to ignore the sun—her movements awkward and stilted, she adjusted her path exiting the dance floor and kept moving, head down.

She ran straight into something so solidly male her breath jumped into her throat. Cursing herself, she looked up. And was caught in the darkest eyes she had ever seen, draped by the lushest lashes no mascara could ever reproduce.

When had he moved so close?

His fingers had landed on the patch of bare skin that her dress and gloves left on her arms. The pads of his fingers pressed into her flesh, not quite hard but not gently either. As if he knew of her intention to escape him.

The scent of him, warmed by his skin, drifted up toward her nostrils and she breathed in deeply. A furious flush began to work its way from her chest to her neck and upward at his continued scrutiny.

She had never been comfortable with men, had no idea of that subtle, sophisticated flirting language all her fellow teachers, at least the young ones, seemed to know. Even with Frank, it had taken her two months to put a sentence together.

But this felt as if she were naked, as if her worst fears—her loneliness after her grandmother’s death, her overwhelming need to belong somewhere, anywhere—as if it were all on display for his eyes.

“You are not running away from me, are you, cara mia?” came a taunt in the deep, silky voice that let loose butterflies in her stomach.

When she’d banged into him, she had braced herself with her hands and there they rested now. On him. His abdomen, to be precise. He was a granite wall under her hands. She fluttered her fingers over him, curious to see if there would be softness, if she could find more give…

The pressure of his fingers increased over her wrists, arresting her explorations. “Do you not speak then?” This time, he sounded coldly angry. “You communicate instead by touching men?”

Pia pulled back as if burned.

This was ridiculous. She managed twenty eleven-year-olds every day in the classroom! How dare he give voice to something so embarrassing, something she’d only done as a reaction to stress?

“My head hurts,” she somehow managed to say and it was partly true. “I’m not used to so much jewelry. The designer heels I’m wearing are killing my feet. Please excuse me.”

“How charmingly you lie, Ms. Vito.”

He delivered the insult in such a smooth voice that it took her a few seconds to realize it.

“Next, you will tell me you hate these kinds of parties and you were just putting on a good show for Gio’s sake. That the jewelry and dress and shoes—the ones that incidentally proclaim you as a walking fortune—are not really your thing.” He twisted the last two words into a mocking American twang. “That you didn’t really enjoy dancing with every man who asked you with that innocent invitation in your eyes. That this whole evening is an elaborate charade you’re suffering through like a good sacrificial lamb.”

That was exactly what she had been doing.

The dress, the shoes, the jewelry, even the complicated updo her hair was twisted into, none of it was her. But she had kept quiet.

Because she’d wanted Giovanni to be proud of her.

Because she’d wanted to be someone else, even for one night. Sophisticated and charming and polished—not a woman who fell for lies and found herself in crushing debt.

Yet this arrogant man made it sound as if the idea of Pia not wanting the attention, not liking being on display were impossible.

“You’ve already drawn your conclusions, Mr. Mastrantino.”

“How do you know who I am?”

“Gio told me you’d be the most handsome, the most powerful and the most arrogant man I’ve ever met. He was right.” Heat climbed up her chest as he raised a brow.

She looked around the ballroom and every pair of eyes was trained on them. Locating her grandfather’s silver hair, she sent him a please-rescue-me look.

As if he hadn’t even seen her, Gio carried on his conversation.

A pulse of panic drummed through her. It was as if Mr. Mastrantino, Gio and even the guests were playing a game, but no one had told Pia the rules.

“Then you have the advantage, for he told me nothing about you. Until I saw the invitation, I didn’t even know you existed. A ball in honor of Pia Alessandra Vito.” He was a few inches taller than even her uncommon height and for the first time in her life, Pia felt dainty, even fragile. “Giovanni’s long-lost granddaughter, finally returned to the bosom of her loving family, his legacy displayed like a crowning jewel to society.”

Why was he so ticked off with her?

But his possessive touch stilled everything within her. Her breath hitched, and her insides seemed intent upon some kind of rearrangement. Like molecules under heat.

“The Cinderella story of the year,” he continued, a hardness in the curve of his sensual mouth. “I assume Gio has already also bought a prince for you to dance with before the stroke of midnight too, si?”

Bought a prince for her?

As if a man had to be paid to be with her! Pia could feel the color leaching from her face.

Raphael had no idea how deep his thoughtless comment dug into her. How much it hurt.

“Gio knows I don’t want a…” The words stilled as she tallied all the men that had been hounding her tonight.

Why had Gio invited so many young, eligible men? Why had each and every one of them made a beeline for her? True, she was the guest of honor, but still. There were other women at the ball.

A shiver curled around her spine.

“Non?” Raphael inflected it enough to tell her he didn’t believe her. “Why do you think all these men have been falling over themselves to dance with you? Your great beauty?” His gaze raked her, and then dismissed her. “Your charming conversation? Your magnetic presence?”

With each derogatory question out of his mouth, Pia knew he had it right. But she was damned if she would stand there another moment and let him mock her.

She turned and stumbled. A pained gasp fell from her mouth.

Strong arms wound around her waist from behind before her bottom kissed the black-and-white marble floor. His muscular forearms brushed the undersides of her breasts, pushing them up. A burst of heat filled her lower belly.

Pia clung to him, her breath in disarray. It was too much sensation, too raw.

Slowly, gently, as if she were a newborn calf, he turned her around. In a movement that was as fluid as it was economic, he knelt in front of her.

Her heart pounded.

A pin could have dropped in the ballroom and it would have been an explosion.

His trousers stretched tight over his thighs, his austere face raised to her, he cradled her foot in a tender clasp. A lock of his thick black hair fell forward on his forehead. Those dark eyes moved over her face, down her throat, where her pulse pounded violently, to the sight of the upper curves of her meager breasts plumped into fullness by the bodice.

A tightness emerged in his face.

Tilting his head down, he placed her right foot on his left thigh. The tips of her fingers rested on his shoulders and she felt the muscles there shift and clench.

With uncharacteristic malice, she hoped the pointed heel would bruise his rock-hard flesh.

His fingers unbuckled the small belt of her sandal with a nimble touch. He plucked the heel off her foot, and fingers wrapped around her bare flesh.

Pia flinched as pain and awareness mingled, spreading up from her ankle.

His nostrils flared, his mouth pinching into a stiff line. Long fingers rubbed the small ridge the strap had dug into her skin. Back and forth, softly, slowly, until a soft moan—a raw, unrestrained sound—fell from her mouth.

Holding her gaze, he touched her more boldly, more purposefully.

A strange, forbidden craving released in her lower belly, warmth pooling there. Her heart beat in rhythm to those fingers. When he moved one finger upward, almost reaching her knee, Pia jerked her foot back.

And then, because of the uneven balance, toppled onto him.

With a curse, he caught her. But he was still so tall that when she fell, his face was buried scandalously against her belly. The warmth of his breath against her soft muscles set off such a deep clench in her sex that Pia whimpered.

His hands on her waist, he gave her a gentle nudge. Her entire body was a shivering, needy pulse. Pia looked down at his hands. “Let me go.”

He shrugged those broad shoulders, an innocent look in his eyes. “You will fall if I let you go.”

This man was dangerous. What he so easily made her feel—this hitch of her breath, this nervous knot in her belly, the warmth unspooling in every muscle—every forbidden sensation was dangerous.

This time, instead of putting her foot on his thigh, she put her hand on his shoulder, balanced herself and shed her other sandal. Then she picked them up with her left hand, muttered a rushed thanks at his shoulder and straightened.

She moved no more than a couple of steps when he stood in front of her again. “It is not the stroke of midnight yet, so surely it is not time for you to disappear, is it?”

Pia faced him, still shuddering after that intimate slide against him. Hard and lean and unforgiving, his body had left an imprint on hers. “You’re no prince. More like the devil.”

A white smile flashed in his dark face.

Pia sighed. The man’s will was unbending. Her feet hurt, her head was throbbing, she really was tired. But of course, her grandfather’s godson had come to the ball with an agenda.

He turned her around with his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her to the center of the dance floor. One arrogant nod of his head and the orchestra began playing a classical waltz.

One large hand spanned her waist while the other clasped her fingers. Her body stretched tight and stiff to resist gliding against his. For a few minutes, they moved around the floor seamlessly, yet she couldn’t relax, couldn’t muster a single calm breath. His scent weaved around her. He was hard and lean everywhere she touched him.

“My ego would suffer if I didn’t already know that you are just as stiff and awkward with other men,” he whispered against her ear while his arm rested around her waist.

Pia found herself sinking into the depths of those black eyes. She was plain and awkward, yes, but no coward. “I’m sure I could hardly dent that humongous ego.”

His laughter, a deep, husky sound startled the life out of her.

Of course, graceful dancer that he was, he didn’t let his own steps falter.

Long fingers fluttered near the underside of her breast making Pia aware of every inch of her skin. “Tell me about yourself.” For all her supposed resistance, he had somehow pulled her closer. On a side step, her hip rubbed against his thigh. Pia shivered. “About your dreams and aspirations,” he continued, as if he felt nothing of the torture he put her through. As if he felt nothing period. “Maybe your favorite ice cream or your favorite Italian designer. Or what you’re planning to ask Gio to give you for your birthday present.”

“Birthday present?”

“You know, to make up for all the years he missed. A yacht? Are you fond of sailing? A condo in Venice?”

“I’ve no idea—”

Another turn around the hall, but this time with the sensation of his palm covering her upper back. She couldn’t take much more of this heightened awareness. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-three.”

“Quite an accomplishment for one so young.”

Her body was so aware of him that her mind couldn’t grapple with the intent in his words. “Please, stop. Just stop. I’m not…good at this.”

His thumb traced the veins over the back of her hand almost absently. “What is the this that you’re not good at?”

“Dealing with men like you. Playing ridiculous games. I’m not like other women you probably know. I’m nothing like the women I know.”

His gaze swept over the tiara in her hair, the diamonds at her throat. “I would say you’re doing just fine. From everything I see, you have Giovanni wrapped around your finger.”

“I don’t know how to decipher your words. I don’t understand why you’re determined to make a spectacle of me in this crowd. I don’t know why you’re—”

Her attraction to Gio’s godson was the last thing she needed. Especially when, clearly, he bore no goodwill toward her.

A finger under her chin, he tilted her face up to look at him. The stark beauty of him hit her hard again. “Why I’m what?”

“Why you’re even touching me like this… I don’t know why I’m reacting to you like this. Why my heart is beating so hard I feel like it might rip out of my chest. Why there’s this…” His eyes flared and Pia caught the words that were bent on pouring out of her mouth. “And why you’re so intent on proving that you affect me like that even as your eyes are full of contempt.”

His mouth lost that cynical curve; his eyes became searching, intent. It seemed she had finally shocked him.

His hold gentled and Pia slipped away. The marble floor was cold against her bare feet reminding her she had left her heels behind.

But she was no more Cinderella than Raphael Mastrantino was a prince.

 

Raphael ran a finger along his collar, his body humming with awareness, with unspent energy as if he were a randy youth.

His attraction to Pia—instant and all consuming—defied logic. She was not beautiful, not in the conventional sense, not sophisticated for all her dress and jewelry—and yet there was something irresistibly alluring about her.

Which woman among the society he lived in would so openly admit what she felt for him? And with that artless dismay that she was attracted to him?

No, first there were games, games that every woman played. Even his mother played them when Raphael refused to buy her the latest model of the Vito Viva. Either she cooked his favorite food every night or she shed phony tears over his father’s death—an entire episode meant to guilt him and remind him that he should be a good son who granted each and every one of her expensive wishes.

Even his four sisters played games, with Raphael, and with their boyfriends who had inevitably turned into husbands.

No one admitted in that raw, unsophisticated way what a man made her feel. No one moaned like that—as if she were sinking into a whirlpool of pleasure when a man touched her ankle. No woman that he knew stared at a man with those big, luminous eyes as if he was the answer to her every fantasy.

Coy looks, innuendoes laced with sexual tension, teases, throwing herself at other men to make him jealous—the list of things his ex-wife, Allegra, had tried on him a few years ago were innumerable.

I’m not good at playing games.

There had been a genuine quality to her distress, to her confusion. As if her body was betraying her and she didn’t know what to do.

Either she was truly naive—an anachronism with her faint blushes and her trembling mouth—or she knew just how to appeal to a man as jaded and cynical as he was. Perhaps she had decided that the right way to court his attention would be to cater to that traditional man in him, the Neanderthal that Allegra had called him so many times.

Was that it? Had she thought to counter his distrust by catering precisely to his tastes?

A chill ran down the length of his spine as he made his usual rounds through the mansion as he usually did when visiting.

He had no doubt about how much Gio would have talked about him over the last month. As his godson and his protégé, he was Giovanni’s pride and joy. Raphael had turned the small spare automobile parts company that Gio had handed him into Vito Automobiles, a leading manufacturing company.

Giovanni had been his lifeline when he’d been sinking as a seventeen-year-old. He’d been a light in a long, dark tunnel that Raphael’s weak father had plunged them all into.

Not that it stopped Giovanni from also being manipulative as hell. Throughout the evening, he had stood on the periphery of the crowd, watching, with a satisfied smile on his face. Like a puppeteer intensely delighted with the results of his string pulling.

Whatever the old man was up to, it would eventually fall to Raphael to clean it up. Just as he kept Giovanni’s hounding relatives at bay. Just as he ensured that the leftovers from Gio’s time on the board—men who would stab Raphael in the back before he could blink—didn’t leach away the gains he had made.

Just as he took care of the various and sundry branches of Mastrantino families without any expectations in return.

And yet, as he questioned one of the staff members about Pia, Raphael was suddenly aware that this was unlike any other responsibility he shouldered.

For no bickering ex-wife of Gio’s or grasping cousin of his mother had ever caused his blood to pound like this.

No woman had ever called to his baser instincts like this supposed innocent granddaughter of his godfather.

 

 

 

New spiffy website!

I've been working on a news website for the last few months. There might still be a couple of broken links here and there. Of course, all the pages are also works-in-progress. so please bear with me!

I'm totally in love with the look and the vibe! How about you?

If you browsed around a little, you'll see that I have a new romantic comedy series graphic and the first tentative title!

I've just started writing this book - Pooja And Mr. Darcy - and OMG, I'm having so much fun.

If you've read any of my Presents, you'll know that I write passionate, high intensity emotional stories. I ADORE writing my Alpha males but it was high time to stretch my writing wings. I started and stalled on so many different stories but this one...it just dug in. 

I barely have two chapters so far and I'm loving it! It's first person, sassy, bantery and funny too.

Who'd have thunk I could write funny?

Goes to show how important it is to flex our writing muscle just like every other muscle.

And speaking of muscles, I've been strength training for the first time in my life for the past few weeks and it's another thing I'm loving.

Since last year, I've been on a kick of...life, I guess. It just came on slowly that somewhere along the last few years, I'd been kind of in a rut in every aspect.

So I've been kicking it up a notch everywhere!!

Stay tuned!